into whatever is beyond these things...
I'm in constant limbo lately (hello I'm alive).
Work, school, that bizarre situation with my superior (um the president).
There's so much going on that feels out of control, but I'm supposed to be in control of it all. I pretend I am. But I feel like I'm dissolving and I'm just going to blow away in the wind.
Except my body. It's solid and heavy and it will never leave this place.
I tried to fast today, and failed. Salad, crackers, cereal, cheese, pickle, nutella.
But tomorrow, I will succeed. My pants are so fucking tight, my hips spill over.
These pants were loose at one point.
I started running again. One day this week. So I'll run tomorrow too.
I was so close at one point to the body I want/imagine. And then I stupidly threw it all away. I can get it back. I absolutely know I can.
Tomorrow: coffee, apple, tea, egg, water, water, water, run, run, run.
How are you all? I hope well.
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