floundering

in what feels like uncontrollable chaos. School, work, food... uncontrolled would be the key word here.

I can make it one day doing well, but then something smashes my face in and I loosen my grasp of control, palms up, essentially begging to fail.

I've been playing this balancing game with my boss. Trying to keep him at arms length, but not push him far enough away to invite retribution... I don't know what happened, but he hasn't spoken to me in days. He avoids me, tries to hurt me with distance.

I have a million details of truth and heartfelt reasons that I want so badly to pour out, to explain to him. But the balance of power is so incredibly uneven, I'm petrified of doing anything.





I'm so powerless it makes me fucking sick.


I'm not eating again today. Think I can do it?


I bet it will feel so good.




Something to calm my nauseous anxiety.