the empty feeling, is a point I'd never thought I'd reach. It used to be will-power that pushed me through the hunger chewing at my stomach: another cup of coffee, a bite of something I want to eat every last bit of... Or even worse, I couldn't fight the physical or psychological hunger.
But now... it's almost beautiful. At 3 in the afternoon, my stomach growls at me, and it tightens, and I feel amazingly empty. And I'm not craving anything. I'm just enjoying the freedom inside my body. Weightless and ethereal, and belonging to me. Not controlled by anything else besides my own desire.
And yes, some days I eat healthier, but not because I have to or can't help it, but because I decide I want to.
And other days I live on air and coffee and lovely dizzy feelings.
And my pants are too big again.
And life is just kind of fucking happy right now.
Despite stress and school and work and bills.
I'm enjoying my new body.
And so is the boyfriend.
We lay in bed and feel the bones beneath my skin together.
i miss that feeling! being empty is the best motivation because you just want to continue the feeling forever. when I overcome a strong feeling of hunger that is also a huge thing that makes me feel incredible. SO happy for your that your pants are too big! you're doing awesome.. i need to step my game up. stay thin xo
ReplyDeleteOMG this post is like beautiful sweet poetry. I LOVE it! congratulations on all of your hard work, you deserve it <3 sending you skinnies, <3RaeLynn
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