saying

hello! School and work have been wearing me the fuck out.
And there's nothing like ordering a bathing-suit that will make you stick to your greek yogurt for dinner.
And I don't really have anything coherent enough to form a real post.

Except that I feel thin.
And I can see the difference. I can see the thin slenderness in the mirror.

And it was totally worth every shitty feeling,
every unhealthy choice,
every night I drank water to fill up my stomach enough to be able to sleep,
and every inner word of self abuse.

Cause now I have this realization that I am capable of this.
And reality is in sharp focus.

And I know that's not how this is supposed to work. That restricting and manipulating your physical and inner-self isn't supposed to have a happily-ever-after...

But fuck,

I feel.... almost perfect.