avoiding

updating... I've been on here pretty regularly: browsing blogs, reading updates, scouring from beginning to end a few specific blogs that captured my attention.

But I've been avoiding an update. Because then I would have to acknowledge the failure I've been lately. I'd have to change that number on my sidebar. I'd have to report the comment from the boyfriend "you still look skinny, but not as skinny as you used to".

Fuck. It's not all in my head. My pants are tight, my muscles are soft, I can clean my plate several times a day.

BUT, yesterday I had milk, coffee, greek yogurt, and a pomegranate.

Today I had half a whole wheat english muffin, coffee, salad, some cheerios.

I exercised.

Two good days in a row. Tomorrow will be good too. And that will make three.

I saw a dermatologist for my skin and hair, so I'm fixing that too.

School and work are fucking insane, but I'm enjoying it.

BUT I'm huge and soft and spilling over my lovely 00 jeans. And I'm on my period. Saturday it will be done, and I'll have 6 good days under my belt (just got groceries). Saturday morning I will have a real weigh-in. And I'll post the number no matter how disgusting and disappointing it is.

I desperately need to keep myself accountable.

Tomorrow: egg whites, coffee, salad, 1 cup chicken
Wednesday: 1/2 english muffin, coffee, 1/2 turkey wrap, veggie stir
Thursday: oatmeal, coffee, salad, tuna
Friday: coconut water, coffee, 1/2 turkey wrap, lentil soup
Saturday: bulgur, coffee, kale/bean soup
Sunday: eggs, coffee, light bean taco

And gallons of water. I'm trying to have something every few hours so I can kick up my metabolism. So those are my meals (yes coffee is a meal: it's blood in my veins), and I have some fruit and veggies to munch on in between. Small portions, every single time. And this is all semi-coordinated with what I'm planning to make for the boyfriend. And I have some other things I can switch to if I want/need to. Plus working out.

Ok, this is going to work.



PS- this is my 100th post, and I'm not 100lbs... that was another disappointment I was avoiding...