deciding

nothing yet... Fast? Up my intake? Minimize my intake?


I have no fucking clue.

Really.


So far today I've just had coffee.

And light-head caffeine rushes. Which I enjoy.


I need to work-out.
You know how they say a good body is 30% work-out and 70% diet?

I really think that's bullshit. I mean of course, you can't work-out and eat like shit and expect results. But is there really some magical combination of food and nutrients that will transform your body? I doubt it...  I read plenty of blogs that, even though the writer gives herself such a hard time, are eating just fucking fine AND have physical activity. And their bodies aren't transformed into something they like.

Nutrition, exercise, results... it all seems to be luck of the draw mixed with the perfect magical routine. And it's different every day for every person. So how the hell am I supposed to PLAN for results? My body is unpredictable. It's like you just choose a door on a game show and hope for the best. And if it doesn't work you wasted a month or two of time and you just start right back over from the very beginning.

And I'm aware that my body is much different then when I started my journey... but it's not finished yet. And now it feels stuck. Like this is as far as it will go.

And I'm not ok with that.

I'm sure I just need to kick it into over-drive. But who the fuck has time for that? With school and work, who can devote hours to working-out? And their whole day to planning and eating perfectly nutritious meals? I mean I see girls who do it, and they're the ones who don't work or go to school full-time, let alone both. I envy their huge amount of free-time: time they can devote to happily perfecting themselves.

And I know I'm smaller then I used to be. But ultimately I just want to love what I see in the mirror when I stand in front of it stripped of everything besides my skin. And I'm not there yet.


That's what we all want right?



I need a plan...

Edit 9pm...
coffee, banana, 1 cup lentil soup...

I need a plan...