Sometimes its so hard to wake up early, but once I can force myself out of the warm soft comfort of bed, its so nice to have time to do things before the day starts. It's odd, I feel that as I get older less and less of my day belongs to me. The only way to have a few extra minutes of my own time is to wake up early or stay up late.
it's a good thing I rounded up for the salad... completely underestimated the dressing in my fridge. Then at like 11 pm (after a few ours of debate) I had another granola thin...ugh... so calorie count for yesterday was probably more like.... 670.... not as nice of a number...
Last night I was thinking about how I got here... this process, this body. I used to be around 140. Disgusting. It was after I got back from a few months traveling with no job. And I pretty much just ate whatever any family we stayed with would feed me. Got back: 140. Fuck. Then I spent the summer on a diet of vodka, ramen, dancing, and making-out.... which brought me down a few pounds... But it was the following winter that put me on my road to slender dreams.
I was going through a rough messy hurtful point in my relationship. Everything felt out of control. And i felt ugly, fat, worthless... And I decided that even if HE was making me feel like shit everyday, I could do something to make myself feel good inside. I got a day job which had me constantly standing-up, or walking up and down stairs carrying boxes. I ordered a bottle of "diet pills". They were a pretty mild appetite-curber. In fact, I'm pretty sure it was just a kick of caffeine. But it gave me a burst of happy energy, and did curb my appetite. From January- February I went down to 120.
Then at the end of February, I started rolling. So after a night rolling(2-4 pills), and a day or so completely cracked out, my weight would be down a few pounds. And then I would just maintain that. I was down to the low teens, fluctuating some (since weight lost while rolling is lots of water weight). But I was feeling a lot better about myself.
But I stopped rolling(mostly...). Bad environment, bad people, dangerous things happened, and it was turning into something I was forced to do, instead of something I was choosing to do. I do not like being told what to do...
So thats where I was, and this is where I am...
Plan for the day:
Breakfast: coffee w/creamer = 50 cal
Lunch: tuna cup = 80 cal
Snack: baby carrots = 40 cal
Dinner: spinach salad(no extras!) = 150 cal
Total = 320
Hoping to stick to that today! And get some exercise in..
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