twiddling

My thumbs that is. The boyfriend just left to drive to his grandparents' house up north for Thanksgiving tomorrow.

So I am home alone tonight. And tomorrow night. And the next day. When I have all this alone time I just want to turn up the heat, relax, watch TV.... oh and binge. I want to fucking binge so fucking bad.

And it's only when this mood hits me that I suddenly realize all the food I could eat. Refried beans. Salsa. chips. Hot dogs. Hot coco. Real fucking hot coco. Like 5 extra scoops. I know there is a pop tart SOMEWHERE in the cupboards. Corn dogs. Texas toast. Pancakes. Fuck. I would kill for a pancake with butter and syrup that magically had as much nutritional value as water. And all this is literally 4 steps away from where I'm sitting. Why do I have all this shitty shit in my cupboards?

I think I'll promise myself 1 pancake Friday morning. If I can be good until then. Fuck. Hahaha I sound like such a fatty monster. GIVE ME PANCAKES ARRRGGGHHH

Maybe I'll gnaw on celery and chug a few glasses of water. Yum!

Thinking about the first time I step on the scale I ordered. How low can I get that number.

Just thinking about that number.
That number and celery.
Not pancakes.

Fuck pancakes.


PS- had a pretty good day. Ate a couple rice cakes (1/2 whenever I grey out). Then for sushi I did eat a few bites of the boyfriend's salad, and a few bites of his chicken. But no miso soup. so probably 100-150 calories more then I planned.