rising

back up the scale. And I've been too ashamed to write about it. Because that means I would have to put into words the failure I've been, instead of it just being a nagging prick at all my thoughts. But without the writing, there is less structure, and therefor more room for error. So back to writing I go.

The liquid fast was ok... I had to eat a few solid things whenever the boyfriend was around (ie: 1 chicken nugget and 8 short fries for lunch), but generally ok. However, in hindsight I think I probably consumed more calories on the liquid fast than I do when I simply plan and restrict my calories. I broke my fast early on Friday (nuts at lunch, toast for snack, and some teriyaki w/cabbage for dinner) because Friday night i planned on dropping... and I didn't want to get sick.... Excuses, excuses...

Oh you evil little pill. I dread you and fear you and avoid you, but sometimes I plan my day around washing you down my throat and enjoying the few hours where I like you.

So I ended up eating rather normally over the weekend. Because rolled out me thinks I can handle anything (in any dangerous amount), but sober me is scared shitless of being sick and cracked out and fainting.

So the number on the scale is up. I'm not even going to write it down because its fucking awful...

I am however back to planning my low-cal day and eager to report a better number tomorrow :)

Breakfast: glass of water + a few sips of coffee = 10 cal
Lunch: tuna cup = 90 cal
Snack: green tea = 0 cal
Dinner: cabbage w/season = 50 cal

Total: 150 calories

I'm still fucking stuffed from my bad habits this weekend.
I feel like I'm fighting with my scale, and I am not gonna let that bitch win. So there.